Living the Positive Life!

The blue and red lights flashed behind me as I desperately searched the pile of rubble on the passenger's seat. Finally, I located a napkin and wiped my streaming face. The napkin left grains of paper all over my face as I sobbed into it. The state trooper waited a few minutes, I'm sure waiting to safely escort me back to the freeway. He started this sobfest, he could either move on or just wait till it was over.

I left my bedroom on Monday morning determined to live a healthy and positive lifestyle. And there I was less than 48 hours later ready to chuck it all for a Pink's Pizza, a dozen cupcakes and a pitcher of martinis served in my bed with the tv on mindless sitcoms.

I had to go visit a client just southwest of San Antonio yesterday. At 6 am I locked the door of my house and jumped into the rental car - a black Dodge, some type of cool looking wagon. I decide to forgo McDonald's coffee because I deserve Starbucks. I rush to the drive through and order a Venti coffee and a lowfat cinnamon cake. The line barely inches forward. I watch the clock, getting antsy. I've a LONG drive and I want to be early. It gets so ridiculous the car in front of me rushes out when it finally gets to the window. They are so frustrated, they don't wait for their drinks and merely drive off. This is a classic move for me, and I'm somewhat angry they stole my move. But I tell myself to calm down, everyone has an off day and there is no reason to be stressed. I finally get my breakfast, thank the employee and tell her to have a great day. I drive off pleased with my attitude.

I make it to my meeting early and it goes well. They are happy with our service and I'm feeling very motivated and positive. A friend of mines son is in a hospital in San Antonio so I call her to see if we can meet for 5 minutes. I want to check on her and make sure she's taking care of herself. We are soul sisters in many ways and I know she's likely to toss herself away and devote everything to the care of others. As I suspect, she tells me to go home and we'll try and hook up some other time. Frustrated, I start to leave San Antonio.

The gas light comes on in the car and I start to look for a gas station. There is nothing near and I follow signs to some Shell Station. The ancient pumps are nearly impossible to read. I fill my tank and sure enough, the pump doesn't print the receipt I need for my expense report. I sigh in frustration and go inside to get one. I HATE TO GO INSIDE. I don't know why, laziness, whatever, I will drive looking for a pump that takes cards to ensure I don't have to go in. Sure enough the clerk is stocking and takes her time to come and give me my receipt. I breathe in and say "Thanks! Have a great day!" with surprising warmth. I am truly into my new positive energy.

As I drive out of the city I start to think of my friend. I stop and decide to get lunch. It's some 6 hours since that sad little breakfast. I will be kind to myself, so I spy a huge truckstop with a Subway, so I pull off the interstate. It is PACKED. Construction workers are in line getting sodas and sandwiches. I convince myself that it's ok to stand in line. There are 2 employees working the Subway counter. The first takes your order, stops and repeats it. Then she turns, sighs and stares at the bread bins. She slowly walks over, peruses, pauses and then opens it up. She takes the bread loaf out as though it were a baby, walks to the counter, carefully slices it in half, turns and returns one side to the tray with great care. She then walks up, repeats your order and then proceeds to ask if you would like cheese, etc. I watch her routine and clinch my teeth. This will take forever. Finally I get my veggie sandwhich on honey oat (more fiber) and stand in line for the drink dispenser. I watch the 8 men in front of me fill cups the size of a bath. Finally I get to the machine and pour my Diet Coke. Just as it finishes I note a red syrup pour into my cup. I taste the drink and struggle not to spit it out. I turn and an employee restocking cups tells me it's ok to pour it out and start again. The huge machine which resembles a slot machine has options to add cherry, lime and some other vile flavor. If a flavor light is flashing when you press your soda choice, then you get more than you bargained for. I literally perch waiting for the lights to stop flashing and rush to press my button at the proper time. Who knew you had to have such hand to eye coordination and lightening reflexes to get a Diet Coke?

I turn with my lunch and sigh as the check out lines at the 2 cashiers are 5-6 men deep. Finally I pay and return to my car. I make it a few miles down the road, start thinking of my friend and call another. She agrees, it is ludicrous for me to leave town without checking in. So I turn around and head back to San Antonio. I finally reach my friend and after a misunderstanding which has me crossing the city TWICE I finally find her. We spend a great hour shopping and having coffee. I listen to her story without judgement not having a clue what I would do in her position. The only advice I offer is to take care of herself. We hug and I finally leave her to return to Houston. It's now 5:00 and the traffic is horrendous. I listen to Punkin thinking of my day and feeling glad that I let my positive self rule my day. As traffic inches on I breathe and remind myself I only have an empty house to return to so why be stressed. Take it in stride, you've done good work today.

During my drive I speak with both of my sisters. Both are struggling with issues and we commiserate. I struggle with my desperate desire to want to fix everything and tell myself we'll all be fine. I breathe in thinking of the woes and strive to find inner peace. At 6:30 I am driving through Schulenberg, Texas when I pass a state trooper parked on the side of the freeway. I look down and note I'm going 80. I slow down but know he's caught me. I pull over and wait for him. I lean over to get my license and insurance then get out the car. My first thought is the trooper is in some sort of neck brace. His shoulders are hunched and his head is oddly erect as though he's in pain. As he nears me I realize he has no neck. Seriously, it's extremely odd, his neck could not possibly be longer than 2 inches. I'm 5'3" and in 2 inch heels and I'm looking down on his Texas Trooper hat. I gulp, instinctively knowing this will not be good.

I apologize and explain that it is a rental car and there is no cruise control. He asks for the rental agreement. I rush to get it. As I return to him someone announces my name on his radio, "That's an all clear on her driving" the voice tells the trooper. He asks who I work for and I mention educational non-profit. He grimaces. Then he begins to study the rental agreement as though I'm about to administer a pop quiz on it. Finally he jerks his head and in a "A-Ha" fashion says, "You picked up this car yesterday." Clearly, one day is enough to grow accustomed to the car. He then opens his ticket book.

It is then I realize that nothing is going to talk Officer No Neck out of giving me a ticket. In my heart I know he stopped me thinking I was some teenager or guy in a flashy cool car. I know he wasn't happy to find I was a woman, working for a non-profit who offered a good excuse of a non-familiar rental car. I also know that he struggled to not see these things and just do his job, give a ticket.

And suddenly a tear drops down my face. Horrified, I turn to face the freeway. Dear God, are you kidding me? I will not cry in front of Officer No Neck! Desperately I turn away struggling for control. Officer No Neck instructs me to "Please step away from the freeway and off of the road." Did he think I was going to throw myself into the speeding traffic? I step off the road and keep my body turned from him. I wipe the tears away and gain a bit of control. Maybe he didn't really notice. He hands me his clipboard speaking words I can't hear except for something about signing. I stare at the ticket and can barely see a thing.

"Where?" I mumble and a tear hits the clipboard. I refuse to look up. I see a finger cross the ticket and point to a line. I sign it and say not one more word as Officer No Neck thanks me for my courtesy (honest to God.) I slide into my car and desperately search for a napkin. And then the wrenching sobs start. I'm talking wailing. Officer No-Neck finally leaves after a few minutes and I sit on the side of the freeway crying my eyes out.

At 8:30 I stop in Katy to get gas. I punch the shiny new pump for a receipt but nothing comes out. I sigh and walk into building. The clerk looks at me funny as she hands me the paper. I decide to visit the Ladies room. As I'm washing my hands I look in the mirror. Mascara is smeared under my eyes and there are still bits of napkin in my lashes. I lean my head on mirror and sigh.

Is it really so bad to want to live in one's bedroom with Hostess and a DVR?