Sweet Gnome Alabama

So Mav comes up missing on Tuesday and I start calling all of my friends grilling them trying to determine who is the guilty party. But one by one, the most obvious seem to have completely great alibis and seem as incredulous as we are by the story. I run out and buy yellow ribbon and start putting bows on all the crepe myrtles that line our property, and decorate our front porches.


The neighbors start out walking or driving by asking about the ribbons. Soon they are walking and driving on the other side of the street, a little leery of the crazy people. Daily we wonder, where is our gnome and will he ever come home?

Sunday evening "The Sopranos" ends and my sister goes upstairs to her room. I'm on the couch watching "Big Love" when I hear one knock at the door. I turn hurriedly to the window and peek out the slats, but the front door is not in view. I see lights on the side street. As I jump the loveseat and open the door a car is speeding off and Mav now sits in his usual space. A picture developing envelope sits next to him.

I grab it and rush in screaming for Pam. Unfortunately she has her cheap Target fan on which makes enough white noise to mask the sound of the nearby TV helicopter landing on our roof. I run up the stairs, open her door and holler, "He's back."

Unfortunately, the pug has been violently ill and she thinks I said, "He's bad." After the last few months, she's inclined to rush to worse case scenarios. She immediately jumps up and screams, "Oh my God..." and nearly starts crying. I correct her telling her the gnome is home and now she's too furious to process. She shakes off the terror and comes downstairs to puruse the envelope contents with me.



Inside is a letter, pictures and a CD. The letter reads,
"Howdy! After 1600 miles of road passed beneath us, your gnome has returned! 'Tyler' has a story to tell... But alas, he was born a mute. May he be met with exciting travels again - The Traveler."

We looked at the pictures.



Pam wonders if they are real. Maybe they just superimposed Mav on the locations. I start examining them on the computer.



They look real to me. The lighting is right and there are no obvious signs of cut and paste.







So what is with the name "Tyler?" It just doesn't seem right to me. I'm glad he had a great time, and we're really thrilled they brought him home. But here's the thing that really gets my goat...




Not even I have been to Graceland, and the gnome gets there before me?!


Oh, and just one more thing... Does anyone recognize anyone in this picture? If so, please let me know, because I think they may have an idea who took the gnome without even asking me to tag along!

Gnome-napped

In my February 6 entry I told of the arrival of the newest member to my family. My sister's friend recovered a garden gnome from the wreckage of New Orleans. And despite the fact my sister would never have chosen him for her front yard, Monsieur Peep or "Mav" quickly grew on her. For a while we kept him on our faux fireplace mantle. After all, he was the exact colors of our front room. But when our decorator came to look things over we nearly had to pick him up off the floor when he caught site of Mav perched up high.

The decorator put him out, but we quickly snuck him back in. Finally we compromised and placed him outside right next to the front door. There he has puffed on his pipe, perched on his shovel and welcomed our guests.

Several weeks ago we held an all out bash for a friend's 40th birthday. Dozens of people tramped in and out of our home and gallons of liquor was consumed. Surprisingly, little damage was done during the party. (While cleaning the next day, several items bit the dust, including a chair and tiffany lamp.) A couple of rugs were so drenched I had to place them out on the front porch to dry in the sun. When I grabbed one of them and yanked it in I suddenly heard a sickening spinning sound. I turned to see Mav spinning madly. I dove and caught him within seconds of crashing to the ground.

Monsieur Peep survived Katrina and the most outrageous birthday bash I'd seen in a while.

It's now Spring and we've been doing quite a bit of yard work. Every night we water the yard, weed and plant or just sit out and watch the neighbors go by. It's a great way to meet people as there are many dog owners taking the pooches for evening strolls.

Tonight my sister arrived home to ask who had left the flowers at the back door. What? I had no idea what she was talking about. There were two flats half full of flower plants sitting at the back door. No note. The landlord has been working on a property next door, so I figured it was probably left overs she placed for us. I donned my Crocs and went out to plant and water. My sister started putting on her gloves, finally ready to tackle the weeds in the bed around the birdbath. Something on the front porch caught her eye. She walked up the stairs and found a note on the front mat. The place where Monsieur Peep stood was eerily empty. The envelope was addressed to "The Parents of Gnome-ish."

My sister gulped as she pulled out the card and read, "Your gnome is in good hands. Just on a quick jaunt across the states. See you next week. The Traveler."

We stared at each other. We chuckled in a sick and questioning manner, without much heart. Yes, we know it's got to be one of our friends, but which friend? Having watched Amelie at least a dozen times, I realize what this all means, but it's surprising how nervous this makes one. First of all, I was home all day, how did I miss this theft? Secondly, it's a bit disconcerting to see my sister lose one of the very few personal mementos she now owns.

On top of it all is my own issue. I hate mysteries. I don't like miniseries. I need immediately resolution. I need to know!

We continued to work in the yard, she to try and keep busy, I because I had to. I watched every car pass trying to determine if the driver was looking especially hard at us. Did they know something? Should I solicit the help of the TV station across the street? After all he survived, clearly Mav was now a human interest story, wasn't he?

Tonight as she turns off the lights to go upstairs, my sister went out the front door to check, but he's not there. One can only hope whoever took him is ensuring Monsieur Peep is safe and sound. After all, he's seen enough.