Into The Woods

So, the truth is I'm lost. Like Red Riding Hood in the forest, I feel certain the big bad wolf is waiting behind the next bend to eat me alive. And not in a sexy Cosmo way, but rather in a Brother's Grimm fashion.

A lifetime has passed since my last writing. So many times the words poured out of me, but I feared committing the words to page, (so to speak.) The last year was filled with so many trial and tribulations. Here I am, triumphant through the worst and given the opportunity of which I've always dreamed. It's now MY hour and all I can think of is the line from Sondheim's Into the Woods, "Wishes come true, not free."

A childhood buddy of mine lived in Houston for some 17 years. She's largely responsible for my decision to relocate here in 1991. Thanks to her, I met so many dear friends and found what I now feel is my home. She quit her job and took a job at a small university in Southeast Louisiana at half her salary. She moved this weekend, leaving her precious, newly redone home and move into a small apartment on campus with brown shag carpet.

After 10 years I am finally achieved my wish and am out of management. My employer, literally rated one of the best places to work in America, gave me the opportunity to telecommute and create a job for myself. So many people are drooling and are so jealous of my opportunity.

So tonight I call my buddy to check in on her and I'm thinking she'll be alone and miserable, terrified as the reality of her move hits her. Instead, she's laughing and joking out to dinner with new friends. And I'm here at home, scared and alone.

It's only been three full days working at my home. Yet, I feel so alone and alienated. I fight off paranoia and self-doubt. Ok, I know, I should give myself a break. My adjustment isn't going to happen overnight. I can't help that it's finally truly occurred to me that if I fail, I fail. It isn't due to anyone but me.

"Careful the things you say, wishes come true, not free…"